Decisions, Decisions

     Panic gripped me.

     I'm wearing a swimsuit, a cover up and flip flops. There is no bathroom on the boat, so you just go in the water like everyone else.

      As I stared at the text, an answer to my inquiries about an event hosted by one of my dearest friends, I shuddered at my horrifying options:  Wear a swimsuit and expose myself in front of people I don't know or try to enjoy the boat ride fully clothed, hoping and praying I wouldn't have to pee for 4 hours.

     I have a small bladder. Enough said.

     I have turned down many invitations like this because I didn't want to show complete strangers the scary stuff I hide quite well under clothes. And, this particular friend is not only a knock-out, she seems to attract other hotties into her fold.

    I rubbed my temples as my husband looked at me across the small table at a local wine bar where we were about to enjoy dinner.  I pushed the fresh bread closer to him.

    "Maybe I should cancel."

    "I will do whatever you want."

     Come on, man. I need some moral support here. Tell me I'm still fabulous even though I'm at least 35 pounds overweight.  Tell me the spider veins that run like roadmaps on my pasty white gams aren't noticeable.

     In other words, lie to me.

     He is too smart to fall for these traps. He always has been. It's one of the things I love about him. Sort of. Actually, I hate it, but only because when I set him up, I really need to hear words of assurance that I don't always get. He prefers to say nice things in genuine moments, not when I am baiting him.

     He was leaving it up to me. No getting let off the hook this time.

     When we got home, I tried on my suit. It still fit. The woman looking back at me in the full-length mirror was far from perfect but not quite the hideous beast I make her out to be.

     I did a little soul-searching while I forced myself to linger in front of the mirror for a few extra moments.

     Would I allow my insecurities to make decisions for me?  Would I disappoint a good friend just because I don't like the way I look?

    I can proudly say the answer to those questions was a resounding, "No!"

    I can also report that I am so glad I didn't ditch out on today.  No one jumped off the boat screaming when I removed my cover-up to get in the water. No one was blinded by my glow-in-the-dark whiteness.  No one tossed their cookies by the sight of me.

   More importantly, I had a great time with great people. The day was picture perfect. The blue sky was speckled with puffy white clouds; the water was a spectacular teal.  I even spotted a few dolphins. And, all of this happened in the midst of awesome company. And, true to Linda's m.o., everyone she invited was friendly, accepting and fun to be around.

  Including me.

 

   

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