Freedom of Voice

I've been "jokingly" dubbed Ms. Perfect in my family, probably after the umpteenth time I gave unsolicited advice by way of an example of how I handled a situation. A couple of family members (that I know of) have even gone as far to say that I think I'm better than everyone. I'm not going to lie: that hurts. But, the truth often can. Reflecting on this, it is pretty presumptuous and pretentious to assume people are seeking my advice, like I'm some sage on top of a mountain with all the answers to life's problems. I would tell you I'm the opposite, that I feel inadequate 99.9% of the time, that my "confidence" is a ruse. But, that's a lie. Truth is, I do feel inadequate in certain situations--many situations--but I am also confident in a few areas of my life. But, thinking I'm perfect or that I always handle things perfectly is not at all who I am. But, God forbid I let anyone see that. I have messed up so many times--with frien...

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about 13 things we might regret when we're old. Today, I'd like to add a 14th: lying to yourself--and others. When I decided to post to this blog weekly and share it out with a larger audience, I vowed to be vulnerable, wear my heart on my sleeve, stop holding back. I am a liar.  I was not ready for that--still not ready for that. I show some vulnerability, some of what it is my heart, but I lie by omission. I also lie by making excuses. I don't think I'm alone. Our hearts are like sponges, soaking up the full range of emotions, and wringing it out in a public forum would just be too messy.  So, we let it remain saturated. It's better that way, right? That's a lie. A lie I tell myself--a lie you may tell yourself. It's certainly easier but not necessarily better.  I'm not making any big promises here, no proclamations to never lie again. I'm human, and true to human nature, I will surely falter...

Last week, one of my “13 things you’ll regret when you’re old” was turning down invitations to have fun. After a particularly grueling and emotional two weeks—both professionally and personally—I really wanted to bag out on plans to go see Imagine Dragons in Tampa. It was hot. I was tired. I was grumpy. We saw them in Orlando last year. My tummy hurt. I had all my excuses locked and loaded. I am so glad I didn’t pull them from my arsenal. John and I love their music, but this was more than just a trip to see a band. Our dear family friends’ son is taking off in a week to go to Boston College. I took care of this kid when he was an infant and love him like my own. So, there was that. And, we just have fun when we are with them. I needed to have a little fun, as evidenced by my extended grumpy stint. No housework. No dog duties. No homework. Just fun. After a great dinner at a cool place downtown (I have already forgotten the name), We headed to the amphitheater. It was hot, bu...

Today, my friend Melissa posted an article, " 30 Things You'll Regret When You're Old ." We laughed at #27: Not learning a party trick. I am willing to let that one go. My best trick is leaving by midnight so I don't embarrass myself, or worse, fall asleep. My firm commitment to that strategy has earned me the nickname "Cinderella" by another friend. I decided to write my own list. Let's see how many I can come up with! 1. Obsessing over a number on a scale.   I've battled this my whole life, even vowing to end it all in my teens if I ever went over 120. Obviously, I'm over 120.  I'm still here. And, my happy weight is way higher than many women would be able to stomach. I'm currently working on thinking about all the things my body has done--birthed 2 beautiful humans, run a half marathon (well, run/walk, but I crossed the finish line), hiked to the entrance of Angel's Peak at Zion National Park, and carrying me through this ...