Ms. Perfect

I've been "jokingly" dubbed Ms. Perfect in my family, probably after the umpteenth time I gave unsolicited advice by way of an example of how I handled a situation. A couple of family members (that I know of) have even gone as far to say that I think I'm better than everyone.

I'm not going to lie: that hurts. But, the truth often can.

Reflecting on this, it is pretty presumptuous and pretentious to assume people are seeking my advice, like I'm some sage on top of a mountain with all the answers to life's problems.

I would tell you I'm the opposite, that I feel inadequate 99.9% of the time, that my "confidence" is a ruse. But, that's a lie. Truth is, I do feel inadequate in certain situations--many situations--but I am also confident in a few areas of my life. But, thinking I'm perfect or that I always handle things perfectly is not at all who I am. But, God forbid I let anyone see that. I have messed up so many times--with friends, with my students, with colleagues, with my children, with my spouse, with extended family members--I can't even count, but in most instances I cling to that false bravado like a shield. And, that's exactly what it is: a shield, protection from any cruelty that may be intentionally or unintentionally shot in my direction.

Don't show any weakness, or they will eat you alive.

I can now see what I think of as "sharing is caring" can come across as arrogant and bossy. And, it's mortifying to think people may have that opinion of me. My empathy drives me to want to help people solve their problems, but not everyone is seeking a solution, or at least not my solution. Sometimes--most of the time--they just want to vent, maybe just need a soft shoulder to cry on.

I can tell you 1,000 reasons why I'm not perfect. I have every physical and behavioral imperfection memorized, weapons I use against myself on a regular basis. I'm sure others could add a few more. But, none of that really matters. And, this is certainly not intended to be a pity party. It's more of an awakening, a moment of clarity.

I don't need to be perfect. And, I don't need to pretend I am to impress others.

So, consider this my explicit permission to tell me to shut up when I start to give you advice you don't want or need. Tell me you just need me to listen, pipe up when you don't want to hear one more of my "helpful" anecdotes. If you're honest with me, it will help me be more candid with myself. And, I'm hoping the journey to being more open and honest is easier than the quest for perfection.

Or, if not easier, at least more fulfilling.

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