14th Thing

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about 13 things we might regret when we're old. Today, I'd like to add a 14th: lying to yourself--and others.

When I decided to post to this blog weekly and share it out with a larger audience, I vowed to be vulnerable, wear my heart on my sleeve, stop holding back.

I am a liar. 

I was not ready for that--still not ready for that. I show some vulnerability, some of what it is my heart, but I lie by omission. I also lie by making excuses.

I don't think I'm alone. Our hearts are like sponges, soaking up the full range of emotions, and wringing it out in a public forum would just be too messy.  So, we let it remain saturated. It's better that way, right?

That's a lie. A lie I tell myself--a lie you may tell yourself. It's certainly easier but not necessarily better. 

I'm not making any big promises here, no proclamations to never lie again. I'm human, and true to human nature, I will surely falter a few times. I am so used to lying to myself and believing the lies I've been fed that freeing myself from that cycle won't be easy. It's always been comfortable to just wash, rinse, dry, and repeat. Lately, though, my old comfortable habits are making me agitated, my sign that it's time for a change. 

It may get a little messy, but matters of the heart are rarely tidy.



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