Freedom of Voice

3/24/22 Just heard a word on the news that I believe needs to be the word of the day, week, month, maybe even the whole year: jackassery . It totally fits a variety of unbelievably stupid and head-scratching situations and people. Politics? Jackassery. People sticking their hands in tiger cages? Jackassery.  People playing videos on their phones in waiting rooms without headphones? Jackassery.  So many jackasses, so little time! 

3/23/22 When writer's block hits, a good ol' acrostic poem comes in handy: March on! Always embrace your  resilience caring nature honesty

3/22/22  I am not photogenic. Never have been, most likely never will be. Instead of freaking out about it, I have finally come to accept it. Maybe it's because of social media--you can escape having pictures taken and posted of you. When friends ask me to look at a picture before they post, I now just ask, "Are my eyes open?" If they are indeed are (they often are not), post it. That's the best we can hope for.  I prefer my imperfect pictures to ultra-filtered pictures that no longer resemble the subject. Not that I'm opposed to the photographer holding the phone up super high to hide my sagging neck, but filters go to far. There's no blur effect strong enough to erase the fact that I am creeping in on 53, and quite frankly, I don't need there to be. I would love to turn back time on my face, but I wouldn't turn back time on my life. And, as I found out after a failed consultation for Kybella, there is no easy, quick fix for the things that bother me....

3/21/22 Spring has sprung,  Florida style: scorching temps with record high of 90. In other words, sprummer. Kinda like brunch or linner, this is a perfect word for it. We don't get a spring, at least not like other places. No snow melting to reveal blooming flowers, our flowers bloom year round--until the sun scorches them to oblivion that is.  Thank goodness for a "cold front" that came through and sliced through the humidity and pushed the temp down to low 80's. Until Wednesday.  All the people from up North seem to love it, walking around like crazy people in the middle of the day. While my pasty legs could use some sun, I prefer the comfort of my air conditioned home when it's like this.  I don't even know why I went this direction this morning, but I did, so here it is.   

3/20/22 Something happened that helped restore my faith in people and soften my ever-hardening heart a bit: I stopped to get gas on my way home from the gym yesterday morning. As I was pumping my gas, I clutched my wallet tightly, all my spidey senses on high alert, actively assessing my surroundings for clear and present dangers.  "Ma'am," I heard a female voice call. At first, I didn't realize she was speaking to me, but I became even more hyper-aware of things around me. Was anyone parked near? Anyone lurking on the other side of my vehicle? Nope and nope. "Ma'am," she says again. This time I turn. "I am wondering if you can help me."  Here we go , I thought. "I left my house in a rush this morning and forgot my wallet. I don't have enough gas to get home and just need a gallon or so." "I don't have any cash," I lied. I figured that would send her on her merry way. "I don't need cash, just a gallon of gas...

3/16/22 My Focus Meeting is today at Burn. And I need it. I haven't completely lost focus, but the lines are definitely blurry.  Part of holding myself accountable is to be transparent, so that is the aim.  Get the goals in focus. Keep them in focus.

3/15/21 Busy week! Pi Day. Ides of March. St. Patrick's Day. A week of "holidays." Funny how culturally we change things into something they are not. The Ides of March comes across as a bad omen thanks to good ol' Shakespeare, but historically, it was a day of celebration.  Then, there's St. Patrick's Day--celebrating the death of a patron saint with green beer, corned beef, and cabbage. OK.  Fast forward to Cinco De Mayo, another cultural celebration Americans have taken for themselves as an excuse to drink. It just so happens to be my sweetheart's birthday, so we have cause to celebrate that day.  Not that I care that other people celebrate and have fun--been there and done that myself. I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but I didn't feel the need to eat pie yesterday. Or any day for that matter.  Happy Ides of March! Be aware, but don't beware. 

3/13/22 Full disclosure: I hate losing an hour. I barely have enough of them as it is, then the time change takes precious minutes away. Plus, I seem to be a toddler when it comes to the adjustment period (even when we gain an hour). So silly, but that's my reality.  To counteract some of my crusty feelings about it, I decided to turn a positive lens toward the phrase Spring Forward.  Thinking about the saying, a spring in your step , I first conjure up an image of Tigger--his boundless (and somewhat annoying energy, his friends trying to keep up with him. Then, I tamper that down to a real-life level. I am moving forward, with a little bounce and newfound energy. Maybe it's the weight loss, the new job, my workout regime--most likely all of the above. But, I did all that. By myself. For myself. I had supporters along the way--and still do--but, I made the initial decisions and made them happen. Yes, progress has been slow and not always steady, but when I look back over the p...

3/11/22 Mid-March is a good time to check in and check up, especially with the way I am feeling right now.  I will not give up; I will not give in. My body is working hard to get me to stop, and my brain isn't far behind.  Isn't this always the way?  The pattern stops here. It stops now.  I am capable of working through aches and pains, of healing myself through movement. I can work through crazy cycles that make zero sense, feeling old and like a teenager all at once.  I have proof that the traditional rest doesn't work--I am more stiff and sore after days off than activity days, and that has happened on more than one occasion.  I also know what it takes from a nutrition perspective to feel better, so I need to get back to eating that way as my 90% and not letting the sneaks and treats become more than 10%. And, I largely ignored my spiritual side, which I swore I was going to attend to. That's my next micro habit.  I will not give up; I will not give...

3/10/22 A day and a half of work travel. Crazy work schedule. Forgetfulness. All reasons I didn't write for the past 3 days.  It's not the time to beat myself up, but it is time to get back with the program, the ritual, the habit I built. In fact, it's probably time to kick it up a notch and start improving on the habit as intended. When I start to half-ass things and start missing the target, that's a sure sign that I need to double down.  The wiggle room I've given myself can be dangerous. Yes, I should be flexible, but it's so easy to slip. So. Very. Easy.  No one cares but me if I write, eat healthy, work out. But, me caring is enough. All these things I've resolved to do are for me, and me alone. I deserve that level of self-care and self-importance. It only took me 52 years to arrive at that conclusion, but better late than never! 

3/6/22 So much to do, so little motivation to do it. The list running through my head has some things I have put off--cleaning the house, getting my car washed--and others that are time sensitive--finish laundry, pack for trip to the East Coast, go to Publix, make an app for a dinner party tonight, prep some food for John's dinners while I am gone, meet my friend's daughter for SAT prep, attend the before mentioned dinner party. In the end, I know I will get it done. But, as I sit here looking out my sliders, I know it will take a little poking and prodding. We will go for a walk, and perhaps that movement and outside time will get me going. True confessions: I'd rather be at the pool, but there's always time for that. 

3/4/22 You know those days that just start off like a punch in the head for no particular reason? The ones that feel hard before your eyes even fully open?  Maybe it's because it's Friday (and a busy one at that), but I am dragging ass a little bit. I did make it through a tough core conditioning workout, but even lifting my legs during the warm-up felt like a chore.  It's nothing a few deep breaths and an internal pep talk won't help--hopefully. I guess it's OK to have these days, I just wonder what the message is? 

3/3/22 Going back to the tenets of Atomic Habits : "Every decision you make it a vote for the person you want to be." The past couple of nights, I've cast some positive votes: Woke up on Tuesday in the middle of the night, feeling hungry. I was seriously contemplating getting up to eat, then successfully talked myself out of it.  John was out last night for a work event, and after a busy day, I decided to give my body a day off from working out without guilt or panic (yes, that is a positive move). However, the real win was when I took a peek at what wine we had that I could open and decided to forgo it. I knew what would happen--I'd drink too much of it and go on an eating binge. I didn't need it.  I'm still tracking--even when it doesn't make me particularly proud--and even upped my weight loss goal from .5 lb. a week to 1 lb. a week to reduce the calorie allotment. I don't need the amount of food--or the amount of calorie-dense food--I've been c...

3/2/22 Time may march on, but I am choosing to move forward in small steps. I tend to go all out, then slowly-but-surely slip back into old habits that don't serve me. I think it's probably a pretty common cycle, but I am trying to do better, trying to be cognizant that a new self requires a complete shedding of old ways.  It's time to shed that old skin once and for all. 

3/1/22 Having one of those "ugh" mornings. Set an alarm to go to early Burn. Ignored said alarm. I go between honoring the way my brain and body feel and the need to push myself. Not that I'll rest on my laurels--I am already dressed for either a walk or Talis gym session (haven't quite decided that as of right now). Just the thought of an early rise to get ready and get in the car didn't appeal to me at 5:20 am. Some might call it a cop out. I think today, I'll call it self-care.