The Anti-linear Life

"Life isn't linear, people aren't linear, and so we do ourselves a huge disservice when our expectations are linear." Carolyn Hax (columnist for The Washington Post)

 I saw this ingenious statement while reading an advice column this morning. And, I haven't stopped thinking about it, probably because it's so applicable to life. Every part of life.  Relationships with ourselves and others, decisions we make, hurdles we run up against, unexpected events, etc. 

 I remember when I was young, particularly in church youth group, people using the term "straight and narrow" when speaking of the path one should choose. Upon doing a little research, I found that this idiom is most likely an allusion to Matthew 7:14: "strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life." It implies that there is just one path to take; one road to follow; one way to reach a destination.  

 In theory, it's a great idea.  In practice, I don't believe it's very doable.  As humans, we are flawed, and although I used to shudder at the idea that I could possibly be less than perfect, I am beginning to not only embrace my own (numerous) flaws but also the flaws of others. Our flaws are what make us unique. Our flaws are what help us empathize with others.  Our flaws can teach us way more than our strengths. Our flaws help us build character. In other words, we are perfect in our imperfections. 

 I'm also learning not to expect much from others. Don't confuse this with me not caring or me not believing in others. Those two attributes are part of my fabric.  I care deeply, and I believe in others and attempt to get them to believe in themselves. However, when I smother them with my own lofty expectations, I am usually disappointed. Or worse, hurt.  And, I have come to realize that it is egotistical to dismiss their ideas or desires in exchange for living up to the bar I have set.  

 These discoveries didn't happen overnight. And, they certainly didn't happen from taking the straight path.  They came about because I am opening myself up, allowing myself to feel things that were shunned in the environment of my youth.  

 Merriam-Webster lists the following "near antonyms" for linear: 

bowed, rounded; entwined, kinked, swirled, turned, twisted, veering, warped; bending, coiled, corkscrew, curled,  curved, looped,  spiral, wavy, winding; meandering, weaving; devious, serpentine, sinuous; crooked, zigzag.

I would much rather define my life with all of the above than "straight and narrow," not because I am not moral or ethical, but because I am realistic. And human.


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