The Enemy Within

You've all heard its voice:

You're not good enough.
No one cares what you think.
You'll upset someone. 
You can't do that.
You'll look like a fool.


The enemy within. In the Artist's Way, Julia Cameron exposes the enemy within and the core negative beliefs it espouses as a way to keep you scared. And, fear is a mighty motivator for most of us. It keeps us in check. It keeps us safe. It keeps us from humiliating ourselves. It keeps us from hurting others.

Or does it?

When I think about my deepest fears, most revolve around not wanting to disappoint, hurt, or look stupid in front of others.  But, topping my list is the fear of success. What? you may chide. That doesn't make any sense. Everyone wants success; it's not something to be feared. 

 Oh, but it is.  I don't want to harp on my upbringing or appear bitter because I know my parents did what they felt was right. But, I grew up with a lot of children should be seen, not heard kind of thinking. So, I learned from an early age that my voice should be bottled up. That, even if I had something to contribute to an adult conversation, I should keep it to myself. Not interrupt the adults.  What I had to say wasn't important.

So, when I think about success as a writer, I know that entails my voice being heard amongst a large audience and the ugly inner dialogue begins:

You're not good enough.
No one wants to hear what you have to say.
Do you think you're better/smarter than everyone else?
Be quiet.
You're not capable.
You'll just give up.
You don't have what it takes.
You'll piss people off.
People will know how you really feel.
You can't say that.
That's against your religion. 

 As you can see, I don't need any external enemies. My biggest foe lurks inside me.

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