Friendship

I've been thinking a lot about friendly discourse--mainly if such a thing exists anymore. My friends and I seem to be capable of it, but I don't see much evidence of it on a larger scale. Instead, there seems to be an attitude of "If I believe it, it's right; if you don't, you're wrong."

As I lamented the loss of civility in our civilized world, it got me thinking about what it means to be a friend. Then, about my eclectic group of friends--friends that truly span a wide range of age groups, socioeconomic status, belief systems, ethnicities, and sexual orientation. Here is one thing all of my friends have in common: they stand up for what they believe in without bashing those who don't believe the same. They stand firm but respect that others have different views. 

I don't choose friends who will always agree with me, tell me what I want to hear. Instead, I choose friends who challenge me to consider different perspectives, hold my feet to the fire, and push me to grow as a person.  It's so easy to create a circle of yes men who pump air into already overinflated egos. But, to me, that's not friendship.

Here's what true friendship means to me:

  • It doesn't have to be reciprocal. Sometimes, I will do more for you than do for me. Then, it will flip. The main principle is we are there for each other in our times of need without thinking, "What's in it for me?"
  • We should disagree at times. True friends don't always agree. In fact, that's impossible. So, if we always agree, one of us is being disingenuous, a big no-no in my friendship book.
  • Unequivocal trust is a must. I need to know I can tell you anything. Anything. You have to be able to handle that my mind can be a weird, dark place. Other times, it's a little too sunshiny. You can't just listen without judgment when it's settled somewhere in between. And, you can bet I'll return the favor. 
  • We honor each other's time--or lack thereof. True friends don't make unreasonable demands of each other's time. There shouldn't be a time requirement to being a friend. In fact, some of my dearest friends are those I don't get to see or talk to as much as I'd love to. But, we effortlessly pick up right where we left off. 
  • Finally, forgiveness has to be part of the formula.  I will inadvertently hurt your feelings. You will hurt mine. As humans, we have our flaws. True friends forgive those flaws, move beyond them because they truly love the person behind them. 
To all my friends, thank you from the bottom of my heart for being you, and in turn, molding me into a better version of me. 


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