Love Hate Relationship
As much as I did not enjoy, no hated, living in Orlando (perhaps the lack of friends and a husband who worked 12-15 hours a day--sometimes more--had something to do with that), I will say I liked, no loved, who I was while I was there.
On the advice of my friend and fellow writer, Helen, I delved into The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron and not only found, but nurtured my creative self. I journaled daily, devoured books, photographed nature as I explored the area trails and parks, went to museums, took up calligraphy, and started a book. I sat on my patio every morning and evening to reflect and write some more. I found fulfillment in the solitude, made time for the things the demands of life never allowed. I should note I was also not working, so there's that. It's amazing what one can accomplish with a wide-open schedule.
So, I find myself being completely irritated with myself at the moment. I finished that book--well, the shell of it anyway--before I realized something: It's hard to weave details and descriptions into an extended story, even harder to create believable and relatable characters and situations, and I suck at it. It did help me work out some demons, and I don't think the idea was bad. But, a shell of a story does not make a novel.
On top of my having dream of publishing the next Great American Novel shattered--or rather giving up on it--I just can't seem to make time for the things that brought me fulfillment in the hellhole of Orlando. Fortunately, I have other things that bring me fulfillment--writing this blog, my job, spending time with my daughter and my friends, quality time with my husband. And, when I tried to squeeze it all into each day, I failed, leaving me grumpy and tired.
Ah, the dance of love and hate. I've stepped to it all my life. I want to have it all, do it all, be it all. However, I don't want to do all the things that requires.
Currently, I am writing instructional guides for a 7th grade ELA unit called Perception and Reality, and it really has me thinking and reflecting on this question: Is there a common reality, or does our perception dictate reality? Some things are not debatable--the sky is above us, the ground is at our feet, the earth is round (unless you're one of those flat-earth freaks), but pretty much everything else--the color of that sky and the grass for example--is in the eye of the beholder, shaped by experiences and beliefs and opinions.
I realized I have the power to change my perception of my current situation. I am not a slacker who has killed her creative self and given up; I'm just altering my definition of what it means to be creative. Lesson plans can be creative; presentations can be creative; preparing meals can be creative; putting together outfits can be creative.
We each re-create our own reality daily. The trick is to stay grounded enough not to poo-poo other people's perspectives, push our narrow perceptions on others, get angry when others change their priorities, or beat ourselves up when we shift our own priorities. We would be better served striving to learn from each other, to open ourselves to different perspectives without letting our own egos get in the way--and without giving up our core values. It doesn't all have to be love or hate.
From this day forward, I vow to embrace the huge spectrum of emotions and feelings in between the extremes and learn to love the dance.
On the advice of my friend and fellow writer, Helen, I delved into The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron and not only found, but nurtured my creative self. I journaled daily, devoured books, photographed nature as I explored the area trails and parks, went to museums, took up calligraphy, and started a book. I sat on my patio every morning and evening to reflect and write some more. I found fulfillment in the solitude, made time for the things the demands of life never allowed. I should note I was also not working, so there's that. It's amazing what one can accomplish with a wide-open schedule.
So, I find myself being completely irritated with myself at the moment. I finished that book--well, the shell of it anyway--before I realized something: It's hard to weave details and descriptions into an extended story, even harder to create believable and relatable characters and situations, and I suck at it. It did help me work out some demons, and I don't think the idea was bad. But, a shell of a story does not make a novel.
On top of my having dream of publishing the next Great American Novel shattered--or rather giving up on it--I just can't seem to make time for the things that brought me fulfillment in the hellhole of Orlando. Fortunately, I have other things that bring me fulfillment--writing this blog, my job, spending time with my daughter and my friends, quality time with my husband. And, when I tried to squeeze it all into each day, I failed, leaving me grumpy and tired.
Ah, the dance of love and hate. I've stepped to it all my life. I want to have it all, do it all, be it all. However, I don't want to do all the things that requires.
Currently, I am writing instructional guides for a 7th grade ELA unit called Perception and Reality, and it really has me thinking and reflecting on this question: Is there a common reality, or does our perception dictate reality? Some things are not debatable--the sky is above us, the ground is at our feet, the earth is round (unless you're one of those flat-earth freaks), but pretty much everything else--the color of that sky and the grass for example--is in the eye of the beholder, shaped by experiences and beliefs and opinions.
I realized I have the power to change my perception of my current situation. I am not a slacker who has killed her creative self and given up; I'm just altering my definition of what it means to be creative. Lesson plans can be creative; presentations can be creative; preparing meals can be creative; putting together outfits can be creative.We each re-create our own reality daily. The trick is to stay grounded enough not to poo-poo other people's perspectives, push our narrow perceptions on others, get angry when others change their priorities, or beat ourselves up when we shift our own priorities. We would be better served striving to learn from each other, to open ourselves to different perspectives without letting our own egos get in the way--and without giving up our core values. It doesn't all have to be love or hate.
From this day forward, I vow to embrace the huge spectrum of emotions and feelings in between the extremes and learn to love the dance.
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