Deliberation

I just arrived home after serving as a judge at the Lee County Schools History Fair. Normally, the thought of waking up at 5:15 on a Saturday morning would make me a little cranky, but I was actually looking forward to watching and judging the performances. I am so glad I did. I left feeling inspired and hopeful.

On my drive home, I started a mental checklist of all the things I needed to do when I got home:

  • walk the dog
  • finish the laundry I started Monday (yes, Monday--you know how I feel about laundry)
  • start laundry again since my hamper is nearly full again
  • empty the dishwasher
  • wipe down my kitchen cabinets
  • make the guest bedroom bed (our guests left Sunday)
  • clean the lanai
  • dust
  • clean the bathrooms
  • vacuum/dry mop the floors (especially my bathroom floor which has the equivalent of a head of hair scattered all over--I seem to have a shedding problem these days)
  • go to the grocery store
  • make a Target run
  • workout
  • proof my son's resume
  • write a letter to the condo association about our low water pressure before the builder turns it over this week
  • work on 3 upcoming trainings I am facilitating
Deliberation is a piece of digital artwork by Mario Sanchez Nevado which was uploaded on April 10th, 2013.
Here's what I am doing instead: I am staring at a painting we just got delivered and hung last night. It's called Deliberation by Mario Sanchez Nevado. I fell in love with it while searching for art for an extra room in our condo we dubbed the "conversation room." I knew I had to have it; I just had to wait for my husband to deliberate over it for a few weeks (until I found it on sale and applied pressure until he agreed to let me place the order for not only that painting but another one by the same artist). 

Many of my friends may think I've lost my mind when they come to visit and see this display. It's pretty out there, a huge departure from the way we decorated our old house. Some people may love it. Others will hate it. 

And, that's the point. It will conjure up conversations. 

But, for now, I'm happy to sit with it by myself--the house silent except for the tickety-tap of my fingers striking the keyboard. 

The woman in the painting draws me in. Her angst is palpable, but she doesn't make me anxious. Or sad. Or angry. She makes me think. We've all been there--a huge decision weighing on us, things out of our control making us feel as if we were going to explode, physical or emotional pain making us feel as though our insides were going to just burn up. 

I look at her, barely intact, face buried in her hands, and think, How many times have I felt like she looks? Then I remember how many times I've survived feeling like she looks. 

The strange thing is the act of deliberating is defined as "thought, consideration, reflection, contemplation," all seemingly benign words, quiet words.

So, why does the artist depict it in such an explosive way? 

I think the answer lies in the things we deliberate about. The things we choose to deliberate about. 

This week, I made a conscious effort to look for the good. And I found it. 

I found it in a classroom of kids who typically don't behave well engaging in my lesson and even having fun while learning. (gasp!) 

I found it in the 13-year-old great-nephew of my neighbor who looked me in the eye as he shook my hand and introduced himself. 

I found it in the articulate performers who answered post-performance questions from me and the other judges. 

I found it in the Dunkin Donuts cashier who was all smiles when she announced she had my order ready to go at 7:30 this morning, in the customer who saw me struggling with the boxes and bags and held the door open for me. 

I found it in a co-worker who helped a friend after surgery, in another co-worker who made a Friday morning  Starbuck's run for the team. 

I found it in the friend who let me vent my frustrations and fears as we watched the sun melt into the water. 

We all feel like we might explode (or implode) some days. On those days, how much do we appreciate a kind word or an act of kindness? It can make all the difference. It does make all the difference.

And, on the days we don't, we can be the ones speaking the kind word and doing the kind things. Will it erase all evil from the world, solve all the problems?

Nope. But, it can't hurt.

Those are the things I will deliberate about as I sit here ignoring my to-do list.



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