Me Time

Two and a half months ago, I took what some are politely calling an early retirement. I even adopted that phrase because it was easier than saying, "I quit." I was ashamed to be a quitter, to leave a position that I worked hard for, that many would love to have. It paid well, it was fairly flexible, and I loved many of the people I worked with. 

It took two and a half months for me to finally be able to say this: "Hi, I'm Annmarie, and I'm a quitter." 

Where is the shame in letting go of things that at best don't serve you and at worst are making you ill? 

I had to ask myself that question in the months leading up to penning my resignation letter and for the months after I handed my keys and badge over. It took months for the answer to come: There is no shame in letting go of things that don't serve you and are making you ill. 

Then came the questions: 

What are you going to do now?

What have you been up to since you left? 

What do you do with all that time?

What have you been working on?

And with every innocent question, the shame and guilt rose, threatening my resolve. I realized my answers were all veiled attempts at justifying my decision. 

I am walking away from those as well. Yes, I may volunteer in the near future. I may start writing more and even try to get published. I may find some work-at-home gig.  But, for now, my new response is: I am working on me. 

Working on healing my digestive system. 

Working on calming my nervous system.

Working on the fine balance between challenging myself physically while practicing self-acceptance. 

Working on friendships and other relationships I didn't make enough time for when I was mentally and physically exhausted. 

It truly is "me time." Admittedly, that "me time" involves a lot of pampering and leisure time--something I always labeled as laziness. But, I've already accomplished getting off heartburn meds, greatly reducing my sciatica pain, dropping a few more pounds in a healthy way, and eliminating anxiety attacks that sent me to the trash can or toilet every time I tried to eat. 

That's all the justification I need. 


Comments

  1. Mrs. TranterApril 30, 2021 at 3:13 PM

    This. All of this is exactly what I needed to hear!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Annmarie May 18, 2021 at 11:32 AM

      Thanks for the feedback! I’m glad it resonated with you.

      Delete

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