Let Go My Ego

In the 1970's, Kellogg's rolled out its "Let Go My Eggo" commercials, and they persist today. Of course, they have changed quite a bit. The battles have become more snarky, and in this commercial, the struggle even gets high tech when a family in a smart phone battle over an Eggo has it snagged by the little sister without a phone.

True confession: I have always hated these commercials. I know they were intended to be light-hearted and humorous, but they aggravated me. Why didn't these people just share the Eggos? Couldn't they just wait for another one to toast? Maybe there was an Eggo shortage in their homes, and that was the last one? And, if so, couldn't they cut it in half? The martyr in me would have selflessly sacrificed the Eggo to whomever wanted it but then would secretly resent them for it. After all,  I was the one waiting patiently by the toaster for the crispy disc to pop up. The unfairness of the scenario was too much to bear.

Man, that little exchange is telling.

I can't stand when things are unfair--for me or for others. I've spent--wasted--lots of time trying to even out the playing field when I see inequities.

Newsflash: it doesn't work.

When I do finally force myself to be quiet and really reflect, my thoughts have been wandering to why I feel the need to do this--to fix everyone's problems, to bandage everyone's wounds. And, the answer that comes is not one I really want to hear: ego.

I like to tell myself that my happiness is not tied up in others. Those in my life provide boundless joy, but my stint in Orlando taught me I can feel fulfilled and content by myself. It takes a lot more work, but it can be done. However, I now see that's another lie I tell myself. My sense of importance and self-esteem is definitely linked to my interactions with others. I am the "go-to" for many people in my life, and I like it. It feeds my ego, and girl is hungry.

I know in my field of work, ego has to take a backseat. I wouldn't have lasted in education if I let my self-worth get tied up in student test scores, the opinions of my colleagues, the the conflicting things I see and hear and read.

But, it has just occurred to me that ego needs to go when it comes to my personal life--no easy task. That balance is hard to strike. How do I take care of myself and my unmet needs while not letting everything become all about me? How do I stop letting others--and my own inner mean girl--take stabs at my self-esteem, my self-confidence? How do I forgive those who have stolen Eggos from me without being the self-sacrificing, resentful martyr?

I know I don't need all the answers right now. They will come--if I can just learn to be comfortable with stillness long enough to listen. If I can just let go of my ego.








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