Resolute

Two years ago, I wrote about ditching resolutions in favor of realizations--my attempt to address the underlying causes of the things I needed to change about myself.  I made it all the way to realization #1 and never wrote about it again. Until now.

Realization #2: Anything that requires sustained attention and commitment is not my thing. 

OK, OK. It's a bit of an exaggeration. I would say a 26-almost-27-year-old marriage is proof that I can indeed commit to something for the long-term. But, oddly enough, when it comes to commitments to myself, I fall short. It used to be a big mystery to me. Why do I work my ass off (literally) to lose weight and get in shape only to fall back into comfortable habits that have me reaching for my comfortable yoga pants in lieu of tight jeans? Why do I commit to writing every day only to let my pen ink run dry from lack of use? Why do I research getting my master's degree only to let it fall by the wayside? Why do I spend hours upon hours cleaning to make my house perfect when I could be out enjoying life?

The answer: I come out of the gate too fast, too enthusiastically to finish the race. And, I'm a tad bit too extreme. I will run a half marathon or I won't run at all. Guess what happened after my first (and only) half marathon? I went from being a vegetarian to consuming nothing but protein. The doctor said I was anemic, so I figured I'd ingest as much cow as I could to make up for the iron deficiency  I'd caused by munching on copious amounts of cauliflower and greens.

Realization #3: Extremes don't work for me. 

 It has taken me 48 years to calm the hell down. A 30-minute sweat-inducing workout is good enough. It doesn't have to be an hour. I don't need to work so hard I puke. Eating healthy 80% of the time and allowing some cheats and treats is a good way to stay on track--as long as the cheats and treats don't become the 80% (I'm still working on that one). A few specks of dust and a dirty dish or two won't kill anyone.

Realization #4: I am actually more resolute than I give myself credit for.

My resolutions don't have to be big, life-changing proclamations. I don't have to start a charity. I can support one that already exists (like the local group that helps countless of homeless families in our area, Blanket and Blessings--the shameless plug is deserved). I don't have to shrink to a size 4 when a 10 will suffice. My hips weren't meant to be confined by the scant amount of fabric in a single digit size. I don't have to write countless novels--I just want to finish the one I started.

Realization #5: The small steps that come from everyday determination will carry me where I need to go. They always have. They always will. 

I resolve to be unshakable in 2018. And, I wish the same for you.

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