Scrooged

I'm in a weird little funk this holiday season. There's very little la in my fa, if any. Back in my hay day, I mailed Christmas cards the day after Thanksgiving, had all my shopping done before Thanksgiving (I once vowed to never go to a mall after Thanksgiving--a consequence of working retail and seeing how crazy people got), and had all my gifts wrapped early in December (minus the Santa gifts, of course).  I have never decked all of my halls, but the tree was always decorated, and there was some evidence of Christmas in the main areas of the house.

This year, well, not so much. I just got Christmas cards stuffed in the mail slot and finished my shopping yesterday. The tree skirt is fully exposed--not one wrapped gift to be found. To top it off, I'm pretty sure my son has seen the stuff I bought him in the closet of a guest room I thought he wasn't going to open. We bought a new tree, but I didn't dig out any of the family ornaments that are safely tucked away in plastic bins in our storage unit. Instead, I bought all new ball ornaments, ribbon, a tree skirt, and a star to match our decor. Yes, I am the one with a decorator tree--something I've always wanted by the way. But now that it's up, it just seems lazy. There is not one stocking hung with care. And, forget putting the cookie jars and other decorations out. I don't (and never have except for one failed attempt) baked cookies. My Christmas "baking" is limited to making bark, and I haven't even managed to do that.

Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!

I know 'tis the season to be jolly, but I'm having a hard time finding my inner merry. Getting a nasty cold right when I need to kick it into high gear isn't helping. I'm trying, I really am. I'm just having a hard time getting my sleigh off the ground.

I tell myself it's OK. We're not all the way settled after the move, I started my new job. I am great at making excuses. Now I need to make the Christmas magic happen. I may not be laughing all the way this Christmas, but I won't allow myself to be a complete Scrooge.

Here's what it boils down to: I have always had impossibly high expectations for myself, for the holidays. I want everything to be perfect, everyone to be overjoyed, peace on earth--all that good stuff. But, I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. I just need to be grateful. Grateful for the love and support of my family. Grateful that I'm back home where I belong. Grateful both John and I are gainfully employed. Grateful we have a beautiful place to live. Grateful for friends who accept me and even love me for all my quips and quirks. The holiday season will come and go, but these things remain. These are my reasons to be jolly.

Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!



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