Freedom of Voice

1/31/22 The last day of the month has me thinking about that calendar roll-over thing again (like New Year's). We tend to wait for a new week, new month, new year to commit to changes, commit to ourselves.  I am going to work hard this year to break that mindset by purposely choosing "off" days to begin new things. It doesn't have to be a Monday or the first. A new habit can be kicked off whenever the spirit moves me.  With that, I had a little glitch in the system once again (seems to be the theme for 2022), testing my resilience. The Covid booster knocked me out with a full-fledged fever, chills, aches, the works. When I came out of the fever fog, I wanted soup so badly, and all I had made was white chicken chili and lentil--both not Whole 30 compliant. I seriously contemplated picking the beans out of the chili at one point. But, I got creative and made some green pea soup that hit the spot. I also wanted something salty and was eye-balling the chips we got at the ...

1/30/22 The end is near.  The end of Whole 30 that is.  This is my second time doing it, and I carried the lessons I learned the first time with me for a while.  Then, I let old habits creep back--the operative phrase being "I let."  I allowed stress to undermine my resolve, using time as an excuse to not shop for and prep meals. Then, there were also my experiments with veganism and vegetarianism. I actually enjoy eating that way, but it's really tough without eating grains. I've come to the conclusion that grains are not great for me for a few reasons: inflammation, over-dependence, and over-eating.  I am walking away this time with some new goals to support an eating plan that is good for my body: make non-starchy vegetables and seafood my mainstays add in starchy veggies in moderation add in fruit in moderation keep added sugar to a bare minimum enjoy wine, but avoid using it as a crutch beer has got to go, but I'm open to enjoying small amounts of IPA's w...

 1/29/22 Giving light and warmth is the work of good humans ~  Rumi This sums up perfectly the person I strive to be ~ to be the person whose smile makes someone feel warm inside, lights up the moment, the person who hones in on the struggles of others and offers help, the person who not only looks for the good  but also shines a light upon it,  the person who leaves the room warmer and brighter than it was when I entered. 

1/28/22 As the first month of the year nears its end, I can look back and celebrate small accomplishments that will turn into bigger and better things: I use the stairs daily I do an am routine for functional fitness I'm less than a week away from closing out an extended (33 day) Whole 30 I've written daily I'm reading more often I'm hitting bootcamp 4-5 times per week I'm making more time for friends Not bad for someone who doesn't make New Year's resolutions. 

1/27/22 After 2 nights of interrupted sleep, I am just tired to the bone.  I'm showing up, but just barely. My soul is scattered, as is my attention.  My body feels bent, not quite broken. Working toward that unity in soul that Rumi touts is the goal.

1/26/22 To keep myself accountable to my new two-minute habit of writing daily, I decided to post whatever comes out here. I have a habit of giving up too easily, especially on ritualistic or things that require my daily attention.  That changes with 2022. I vowed to make micro changes, atomic habits that will snowball into bigger, better things. And, I'm actually doing it. Not perfectly, but now's not the time to aim for perfection. Just showing up matters--an attitude I wish I had throughout my life. Perfectionism is too exhausting and futile. It's not getting my energy any more.  To live without too much pressure as I adopt and improve upon my two-minute habits is the goal for 2022. 

1/25/22 Looking for things to be grateful for can be difficult at times, but that is only because my vision is blurred by daily inconveniences and aggravations.  Bad traffic I have a new vehicle and the freedom to move about without worry   Aches and pains I have the strength to be physically active and can complete all my daily tasks Chores (especially laundry) I have a beautiful home and an extensive wardrobe to chose from Boredom such a first world problem to have that much free time to be bored Interrupted sleep I have a warm, soft bed in which to toss and turn Gray hair I have a full head of hair and can afford to maintain it Wrinkles and sags these things don't really matter, really a gift a long life

1/24/22 In a world where everyone wants their 15 minutes of fame-- 2,000 views in an hour,  going viral-- be the one who doesn't seek that fame, instead following the wisdom of Rumi: wash your face from fears; then show your face.

1/23/22 In a little less than 2 weeks, I'll be wrapping up my second Whole 30 stint.  30 days of no alcohol, no grains, no dairy, no soy, no corn, no anything crappy. It's weird, when I'm ready to do it, it never feels like a struggle. I got a little cranky the first time, but other than a 3-day headache, this time has been an emotional breeze. Proof positive that this is a good way for me to exist. Here are some things I want to take with me on my food freedom journey: I don't need wine Wednesdays to survive my week. I don't have to drink when I go out, but can in moderation if I want. Grains seem to disagree with my system, so they will be occasional only--the times I really want something or am in a situation (like a neighbor's dinner party) where I can't avoid them. The key here is quality and quantity. Have only the good stuff and limit the portion. I love veggies and fish, so I need to make these my main squeezes! I don't need cheese on top (except...

1/22/22 In the year of the 2's, I have made some decisions, casted some votes for the person I want to be: Commit to well-being--mental, physical, spiritual Take 2--little physical and brain breaks throughout the day go a long way  Take time to stay in touch with friends--texts, calls, get-togethers, trips Don't take myself too seriously--a hard habit to break Don't be afraid to experience pain--both physical and emotion--both serve necessary functions Continue to write daily--even when inspiration isn't quite there Focus on 2 lbs. at a time to reach a healthier weight goal Engage in focused breathing for 2 minutes

1/21/22 Just to remind myself, here are my 2-minute habit goals that are the building blocks of bigger and better things to come:  Write daily for at least 2 minutes.  Use the stairs instead of the elevator (eventually I'll do the 2 flights without feeling breathy). Get up and move for 2 minutes throughout the day (reminders set for 10:15, 12:15, and 2:15). Floor exercises for at least 2 minutes independent of a workout.  Read.  Reflect on daily Zen calendar before work.  I've already nailed a few of things 3 weeks into the new year. Now, to keep it going. 

1/20/22 Habitual For whatever reason, this word has always had negative connotations for me, much like consequence . Now, I'm reframing.  I'm seeing it more in the context of my word of the year-- resilience. I'm continually growing, stretching, challenging old ways and thoughts. I'm persistent  in my pursuit of physical health and mental well-being.  I will sustain  my new habits while building on them to reach my goals. 

1/19/22 My lab results came through on the patient portal, so of course I had to look.  Normal, normal, normal, normal, normal, normal... Wait. Red blood cells low; other things high.  Within moments I have myself diagnosed with several diseases.  Yes, I have aches and pains, my hair is falling out, my period is irregular  (never mind these are all typical for a woman my age). Thanks, internet! I don't know why I do this...I am not a doctor.  Yes, I'm feeling a little beat up with some creaks and cricks and stiffness.  But, I also work out pretty intensely 4-5 days a week and move the other 1-2.  I am not the picture of a sick person, but I suppose something can be lurking.  Still, there is no reason to panic, to catastrophize as I love to do. I see the doctor on Friday. I'm sure she will fill me in.  This need to know now is something I really need to work on. 

 1/18/22  Patience is a virtue, one I have at times, but sorely lack at others. It's easy to want it all and want it now, especially in an instant society where information is yours in a click with the right search criteria. Most things in life don't work this way, the search is long, solutions elusive. You can't click thorough the journey. The scavenger hunt must be done on foot. 

 1/17/22 I saw a meme yesterday about 2022 feeling like a "used new year." It's so easy to feel that way because, quite frankly, it has already sucked. Still dealing with with Covid outbreaks, people still dying, things still going wrong. I've thought on my than one occasion that 2022 can just bite me.  In reality, we put too much on the turnover of a year. I wrote a piece years ago about there being nothing magic about one number at the end of 4 numbers changing. A year is just a measurement made by man. The truth is, we might feel like it's a good time to turn over a new leaf, but the universe doesn't zap all the negatives just because we are ready for a fresh start.  Every day is a chance for a new attitude for sure. Just don't expect the world to always cooperate. Maybe that's the lesson, the challenge: keeping that new attitude in spite of it all.

 1/16/22 Stormy weather looms--  wind and rain and threats of tornados, Mother Nature in a foul mood. But with it the promise of ideal weather-- a cool breeze, crisp air, blue skies. It's alway calmest before the storm and always most beautiful after it. 

 1/15/22 Two minutes at a time, I'm voting for the person I want to be with every positive action, every new habit-- Taking stairs instead of the elevator Writing daily Choosing food that makes my body feel good Taking in some sunshine Standing from my chair Stretching Walking more Moving more Giving it my all at the gym. Two minutes at a time,  I'm casting a vote for being all the things I want to be, looking forward to seeing where the journey will take me.

 1/114/22 Holding many in the light-- You know who you are: The one who lost a loved one The one who lost a friend The one nursing an injured child The one dealing with crippling anxiety The one whose pain never ceases The one battling life-threatening illness The one recovering from surgery-- Holding you in love and light. 

 1/13/22 Feeling kind of cheeky this morning, but in all seriousness, I love coffee.  Two minutes from the time I press the button to the last drop hitting my mug, Two minutes I stand there, staring at the brown elixir flowing,      a frothy foam forming and expanding.  Two minutes I breathe in the addictive aroma wafting through the air,      until I'm adding an extra punch with cinnamon.   Two minutes until I take that first sacred sip,       feeling the warmth spreading through my chest,      the energy already building. Two minutes until I feel I'm coming to life,      the grogginess begins to fade. I'm ready for the day. 

 1/12/22 Today is one of those days when sitting down to write for 2 minutes is 2 minutes too many. It was a struggle to get out of bed this am for no particular reason at all. Some times I'm just a kind of tired I can't explain.  Today is one of those days. Yet, here I am, writing anyway because I made a promise to myself to just show up. I have a feeling today won't be the only day like this, but I can hope they are few and far between.  Today is one of those days I vote for the kind of person I am, a person who honors commitments, even when she doesn't feel like it. I'm also casting that mental vote that I am a writer, even when the writing isn't terrific.  Today is just one day. Other better days will come. 

 1/11/22 You know that text or call you get that reminds you that life can change in the blink of an eye?  Those are wake up calls of the worst kind. Life is so fragile, so uncertain. Some act as though safety is a right, but in reality, there is no person or policy or place that can ensure it.  Life is so precious, so valuable.  Cherish every single second. Savor every peaceful moment, every cool breeze on your face, every ray of sunshine that warms you. Wake up. 

1/10/22 I used to do short timed writing with my students. Everyone had to keep writing until the timer went off. Some days, it resulted in profound work, sometimes it was just a brain dump to get them ready for the day's topic. I decided if it worked for them, it would work for me.  Today, I'm upping the ante from 2 to 5 minutes. As I think about Monday, the first day of the work week, I think about new opportunities, challenges--and yes, tasks. I had my stint with not working (not my first btw), and I was ready to return. Luckily, I returned to a supportive environment with a balanced and reasonable work culture, a place where a team sticks together and can be honest with each other.  No politics (at least none I need to involve myself in), no constantly changing directives and moving targets.  I appreciate the consistency and the connectivity of my work.  It works for me.

1/9/22 Finally feeling better Sleeping in Waking to a beautiful, breezy, cool morning That first cup of coffee The smell of the cinnamon sprinkled on top tickling my nose Listening to the birds chirp and call Sunlight filtered through palm fronds Fushia flowers popping from the Crape Myrtle (funny---I always thought it was spelled Crepe) The sound of the pond water features Just being here in the moment, committed to self-care, committed to change.   

 1/8/22 Feeling annoyed, frustrated, and generally down-in-the dumps. This stupid non-covid stomach ickiness is ruining what promised to be a fun and relaxing weekend of workouts, a massage, time with a friend, etc.  Instead, I'm on the couch for the 3rd day in a row with sharp side pain after a fitful night.  Waaaahhh! I feel like a big baby, but I am going to allow it, acknowledge that this does kinda suck.  On the flip side, I am also going to remind myself it's temporary, that next week I'll be back to my good ol' self if I give myself the time and space to heal completely. It may feel like slacking, but when you barely have the energy to empty your dishwasher, your body is sending strong signals to stop.  One day, I might look back on this whine-and-moan session and regret making it public, but it's part of my commitment to record what's on my mind each day, watch the growth over the course of sitting down to write for at least 2 minutes each day.  Som...

 1/7/22 Sidelined by a stomach bug yesterday, but I will remember my word for 2022: resilience . Started a book, Built from Broken , because I'm feeling a little disgruntled with "hopping" aches and pains and injuries--I get one thing "fixed" only to have something else act up. It feels a lot like herding ADHD cats.  A quote that struck me is: Instead of asking, "Why me?" ask "What is the next logical step forward?"  If that doesn't sum up resilience, I don't know what does. A little serendipity on this fine Friday morning.  I'll take my next steps to get back to 100% without overdoing it. I will be logical and reasonable and also allow myself the necessary grace.   

 1/5/22 Life can change in a minute's time, so savor every last moment. Soak up all the sunshine you can, breathe in cool, crisp air, delight in the sounds of laughter, the smiles of those we love, strong extended embraces. Life can change in a minute's time. 

1/4/22 Just showing up today,  not feeling I have much to say. But promises made to myself  are as important as those made to others. Rituals are typically not my jam, but a new year is a perfect time to change that. Two minutes is not too much time  to devote to my creative self.  The time commitment part of the journey on the road to a better me. 

 January 3, 2022 What can happen in 2 minutes? I set a timer to find out. Reflections on days past are worth the time. Worrying about days ahead are not.  Mostly being present in the here and now--the next 2 minutes--is key. One step at a time, 2 minutes at a time, small habits yield big results--eventually. The goal is to not give in to doubt, to old habits. The intent is to not give up, but instead find a way to make it all stick. The forced becomes automatic, a way of being, defining the type of person I am.

1/2/22 Two minutes--sounds easy enough, so why are words not flowing?  Just show up.  Just keep writing. You can't build on or improve on a habit you don't have. I could just do this in a journal, but then it doesn't seem as official, and I know I will let it slide.  Even if no one sees this, the commitment to myself matters.  Today is the New Moon, a time to set intentions. This is one intention: write daily. Two minutes--easy enough. 

Today,  I am embarking on James Clear's Atomic Habit  principle of the 2-minute habit. I have it on lockdown for my physical well-being, and now I need to attend to my creative self.  Each day, I will write for 2 minutes--however many lines that produces--and see how this little move adds up over the year.  1/1/2022 A number turning over doesn't equate to anything if I don't take advantage of the fresh start. What is a new year? It really can be any day-week-month, but we measure it on 1/1. I have already made great strides by making changes and then letting them solidify before pushing on to my next goal, but I've felt stuck and am going back to comfortable (and not-so-great) ways, even though I know where they lead.  On this day, I will start taking advantage of each new day as a fresh start, a chance to sparkle.