Freedom of Voice

3/24/22 Just heard a word on the news that I believe needs to be the word of the day, week, month, maybe even the whole year: jackassery . It totally fits a variety of unbelievably stupid and head-scratching situations and people. Politics? Jackassery. People sticking their hands in tiger cages? Jackassery.  People playing videos on their phones in waiting rooms without headphones? Jackassery.  So many jackasses, so little time! 

3/23/22 When writer's block hits, a good ol' acrostic poem comes in handy: March on! Always embrace your  resilience caring nature honesty

3/22/22  I am not photogenic. Never have been, most likely never will be. Instead of freaking out about it, I have finally come to accept it. Maybe it's because of social media--you can escape having pictures taken and posted of you. When friends ask me to look at a picture before they post, I now just ask, "Are my eyes open?" If they are indeed are (they often are not), post it. That's the best we can hope for.  I prefer my imperfect pictures to ultra-filtered pictures that no longer resemble the subject. Not that I'm opposed to the photographer holding the phone up super high to hide my sagging neck, but filters go to far. There's no blur effect strong enough to erase the fact that I am creeping in on 53, and quite frankly, I don't need there to be. I would love to turn back time on my face, but I wouldn't turn back time on my life. And, as I found out after a failed consultation for Kybella, there is no easy, quick fix for the things that bother me....

3/21/22 Spring has sprung,  Florida style: scorching temps with record high of 90. In other words, sprummer. Kinda like brunch or linner, this is a perfect word for it. We don't get a spring, at least not like other places. No snow melting to reveal blooming flowers, our flowers bloom year round--until the sun scorches them to oblivion that is.  Thank goodness for a "cold front" that came through and sliced through the humidity and pushed the temp down to low 80's. Until Wednesday.  All the people from up North seem to love it, walking around like crazy people in the middle of the day. While my pasty legs could use some sun, I prefer the comfort of my air conditioned home when it's like this.  I don't even know why I went this direction this morning, but I did, so here it is.   

3/20/22 Something happened that helped restore my faith in people and soften my ever-hardening heart a bit: I stopped to get gas on my way home from the gym yesterday morning. As I was pumping my gas, I clutched my wallet tightly, all my spidey senses on high alert, actively assessing my surroundings for clear and present dangers.  "Ma'am," I heard a female voice call. At first, I didn't realize she was speaking to me, but I became even more hyper-aware of things around me. Was anyone parked near? Anyone lurking on the other side of my vehicle? Nope and nope. "Ma'am," she says again. This time I turn. "I am wondering if you can help me."  Here we go , I thought. "I left my house in a rush this morning and forgot my wallet. I don't have enough gas to get home and just need a gallon or so." "I don't have any cash," I lied. I figured that would send her on her merry way. "I don't need cash, just a gallon of gas...

3/16/22 My Focus Meeting is today at Burn. And I need it. I haven't completely lost focus, but the lines are definitely blurry.  Part of holding myself accountable is to be transparent, so that is the aim.  Get the goals in focus. Keep them in focus.

3/15/21 Busy week! Pi Day. Ides of March. St. Patrick's Day. A week of "holidays." Funny how culturally we change things into something they are not. The Ides of March comes across as a bad omen thanks to good ol' Shakespeare, but historically, it was a day of celebration.  Then, there's St. Patrick's Day--celebrating the death of a patron saint with green beer, corned beef, and cabbage. OK.  Fast forward to Cinco De Mayo, another cultural celebration Americans have taken for themselves as an excuse to drink. It just so happens to be my sweetheart's birthday, so we have cause to celebrate that day.  Not that I care that other people celebrate and have fun--been there and done that myself. I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but I didn't feel the need to eat pie yesterday. Or any day for that matter.  Happy Ides of March! Be aware, but don't beware. 

3/13/22 Full disclosure: I hate losing an hour. I barely have enough of them as it is, then the time change takes precious minutes away. Plus, I seem to be a toddler when it comes to the adjustment period (even when we gain an hour). So silly, but that's my reality.  To counteract some of my crusty feelings about it, I decided to turn a positive lens toward the phrase Spring Forward.  Thinking about the saying, a spring in your step , I first conjure up an image of Tigger--his boundless (and somewhat annoying energy, his friends trying to keep up with him. Then, I tamper that down to a real-life level. I am moving forward, with a little bounce and newfound energy. Maybe it's the weight loss, the new job, my workout regime--most likely all of the above. But, I did all that. By myself. For myself. I had supporters along the way--and still do--but, I made the initial decisions and made them happen. Yes, progress has been slow and not always steady, but when I look back over the p...

3/11/22 Mid-March is a good time to check in and check up, especially with the way I am feeling right now.  I will not give up; I will not give in. My body is working hard to get me to stop, and my brain isn't far behind.  Isn't this always the way?  The pattern stops here. It stops now.  I am capable of working through aches and pains, of healing myself through movement. I can work through crazy cycles that make zero sense, feeling old and like a teenager all at once.  I have proof that the traditional rest doesn't work--I am more stiff and sore after days off than activity days, and that has happened on more than one occasion.  I also know what it takes from a nutrition perspective to feel better, so I need to get back to eating that way as my 90% and not letting the sneaks and treats become more than 10%. And, I largely ignored my spiritual side, which I swore I was going to attend to. That's my next micro habit.  I will not give up; I will not give...

3/10/22 A day and a half of work travel. Crazy work schedule. Forgetfulness. All reasons I didn't write for the past 3 days.  It's not the time to beat myself up, but it is time to get back with the program, the ritual, the habit I built. In fact, it's probably time to kick it up a notch and start improving on the habit as intended. When I start to half-ass things and start missing the target, that's a sure sign that I need to double down.  The wiggle room I've given myself can be dangerous. Yes, I should be flexible, but it's so easy to slip. So. Very. Easy.  No one cares but me if I write, eat healthy, work out. But, me caring is enough. All these things I've resolved to do are for me, and me alone. I deserve that level of self-care and self-importance. It only took me 52 years to arrive at that conclusion, but better late than never! 

3/6/22 So much to do, so little motivation to do it. The list running through my head has some things I have put off--cleaning the house, getting my car washed--and others that are time sensitive--finish laundry, pack for trip to the East Coast, go to Publix, make an app for a dinner party tonight, prep some food for John's dinners while I am gone, meet my friend's daughter for SAT prep, attend the before mentioned dinner party. In the end, I know I will get it done. But, as I sit here looking out my sliders, I know it will take a little poking and prodding. We will go for a walk, and perhaps that movement and outside time will get me going. True confessions: I'd rather be at the pool, but there's always time for that. 

3/4/22 You know those days that just start off like a punch in the head for no particular reason? The ones that feel hard before your eyes even fully open?  Maybe it's because it's Friday (and a busy one at that), but I am dragging ass a little bit. I did make it through a tough core conditioning workout, but even lifting my legs during the warm-up felt like a chore.  It's nothing a few deep breaths and an internal pep talk won't help--hopefully. I guess it's OK to have these days, I just wonder what the message is? 

3/3/22 Going back to the tenets of Atomic Habits : "Every decision you make it a vote for the person you want to be." The past couple of nights, I've cast some positive votes: Woke up on Tuesday in the middle of the night, feeling hungry. I was seriously contemplating getting up to eat, then successfully talked myself out of it.  John was out last night for a work event, and after a busy day, I decided to give my body a day off from working out without guilt or panic (yes, that is a positive move). However, the real win was when I took a peek at what wine we had that I could open and decided to forgo it. I knew what would happen--I'd drink too much of it and go on an eating binge. I didn't need it.  I'm still tracking--even when it doesn't make me particularly proud--and even upped my weight loss goal from .5 lb. a week to 1 lb. a week to reduce the calorie allotment. I don't need the amount of food--or the amount of calorie-dense food--I've been c...

3/2/22 Time may march on, but I am choosing to move forward in small steps. I tend to go all out, then slowly-but-surely slip back into old habits that don't serve me. I think it's probably a pretty common cycle, but I am trying to do better, trying to be cognizant that a new self requires a complete shedding of old ways.  It's time to shed that old skin once and for all. 

3/1/22 Having one of those "ugh" mornings. Set an alarm to go to early Burn. Ignored said alarm. I go between honoring the way my brain and body feel and the need to push myself. Not that I'll rest on my laurels--I am already dressed for either a walk or Talis gym session (haven't quite decided that as of right now). Just the thought of an early rise to get ready and get in the car didn't appeal to me at 5:20 am. Some might call it a cop out. I think today, I'll call it self-care. 

2/28/22  Looking at the week ahead, there are a lot of things to navigate, plan for, consider. And that's OK.  I fluctuate between wanting my old life back where I had no schedule and all the flexibility in the world and loving every minute of the busyness and fulfillment from work.  Finding something in between would be ideal, but when is life ideal? I have as close to a perfect situation as I am going to get professionally, and personally, my life is golden.  So, on this last day of the month, I will just appreciate the manic Monday. 

2/26/22 Just breathe through it all-- the good, the bad, the benign. There is power in breath-- it energizes, calms, and regulates. Breath is the bread of life.

2/25/22 Time keeps marching ahead, a whole month nearly gone in a snap.  There's no way to stop it, the only defense to savor small moments, take it all in--every sound, sight, scent, sensation. Time marches, sometimes dragging me along with it unwillingly. Youthful wistfulness begging for the clock to speed up, middle age angst pleading with it to slow down. 

2/24/22 Russian invasion of Ukraine.  No shock, no awe.  Criticism of U.S. reaction. Praise for U.S. reaction. There are no winners in this. Pray for the people of Ukraine, victims of larger powers. 

2/23/22 Inhaling deeply, enjoying the coolness of the ice pack wrapped around my knee, juxtaposed with the warm homemade flax seed milk cappuccino sliding down my throat, both calming and energizing, a post-workout boost, something to prepare for the busy day ahead.  The whoosh of the dishwasher like a gentle river, my long exhale matching its flow.  I look outside at the lush landscape, impossibly green golf course, gentle swaying palm fronds, pops of bright pink adding an energetic punch.  The birds are chirping, welcoming the day, greeting their friends. I will welcome it with them, for these brief moments have opened my eyes to how blessed I truly am to be in this time, in this place, in this space. To have this is everything. 

2/22/22 Well...didn't exactly snap it back yesterday--lunch with a friend turned into not caring as much at dinner. I didn't go nuts, just ate white flour and cheese at both meals. I did start right with a small banana, but followed with flatbread and ravioli. Oh well.  The old me would have all sorts of things to say about this. The new me knows it can't be a daily thing if I plan on reaching my goals. Like the devil and angel on my shoulder, they engage in some pretty intense battles, but more and more, the angel is winning. 

2/21/22 Time to snap it back after a fun weekend with a longtime friend. Some things I observed about my behavior on this trip: I didn't purposely deprive myself ( I can't have that because...) but instead just ordered what I really wanted. Surprisingly, often what I wanted was the more nutrient-dense option (except the midnight bag of baked Cheetos) I hate dairy and didn't die.  I still don't think it needs to be a staple in my diet, but I also don't have to avoid it like the plague. Ditto wheat.  On the flip side, I was achy and creaky each am. May have been the weather, walking in "comfortable" but not athletic shoes on cobblestones and uneven pavers, or just from long stints of sitting on the travel day, but it could have also have been the food. Nothing debilitating mind you, just not my best.  I enjoyed the shock of the girl who did my body scrub and facial when I told her I had a 24 and 26-year old. You give me hope  was her response. OK. I'll t...

2/17/22 It dawned on me this am that I missed writing the last two days. I know I will be missing the next 3 days for a vacation, so I was important to sit and write--even though I am not feeling much like a writer. Or really a success at much. I am in a weird transition time--trying to build on the good habits I started, but slipping. Having grumpy days. Getting easily agitated over really minor things.  Good times.  I could blame the full moon, perimenopause, work stress, blah, blah, blah. But I won't. I am not blaming anything at all. It's really just a deep psychological shift I need to make where I allow myself to be successful and stop assigning the "good" or "bad" label to everything. There will be days I do the work that will lead me to my goals. There will be some (less) days where I choose not to. It's really that simple.  My actions cast votes for the person I want to be. Today, I want to be a writer. I want to be someone who honors her body w...

2/14/22 We don't celebrate Valentine's Day, a "Hallmark Holiday" as my husband calls it. At first, I was peeved. But, over the years his "logic" began to make a little more sense.  Why is there only one day reserved to celebrate love? Shouldn't it be year-round? OK. At least it gets him out of battles for overpriced roses or jewelry purchases for things I will hardly wear. And, in his defense, I get beautiful, reasonably priced tulips (or roses when tulips aren't available) for our anniversary in April.  After 30 years of marriage and 34 total years together, I am thinking he is on to something: love can't be a special event, it has to be a daily practice. 

2/13/22 Saturday was sunny. Sunday is not--at least not starting off that way. The whole world it seems is hyper-focused on the Superbowl, if not for the game, for the commercials or the half-time show. It's not a bad thing to have a diversion, something else to focus on instead of political tensions, global issues, and a tiny virus that is ruling our lives.  I really want to just sit on my couch for the day, but I am choosing to make this a super Sunday by being productive and positive. With the week ahead, I won't regret putting in the work today. 

2/12/22 After a short stint of being grumpy, I am finally seeing the light. Today is not only sunny outside, I am feeling sunny inside as well. Even the birds are singing praises for today. After I hit "publish" on this short and sweet piece, I am heading out for a walk. I thought about a gym workout, but this weather prompted me to rethink that plan.  Happy sunny Saturday!

2/11/22 In one week, I will be on a plane on my way to Savanah for a much-needed girls' getaway. In an effort to not let distance, work, general busyness, or laziness stop me from seeing people I love and having some fun, when J mentioned getting together, I instantly picked a weekend and requested a day off.  Another resolution that is not a resolution coming to fruition. 

2/10/22 When your computer warns you it's about to run out of power, you start typing quickly. It's actually a great metaphor for life-- run, run, run until your body just cries foul and shuts you down.  The fact that I have 2 ice packs and a heating pad on different body parts is not escaping me, all temporary glitches on the road to progress but definitely signs to let the batteries recharge. 

2/9/22 I'm taking this food freedom thing a little too far, but what is done is done.  The all-or-nothing cycle is really hard to break, so I will acknowledge it and take steps to reverse it. I just need to remind myself I AM in control, I CAN make choices that are better for me, but I am also allowed to make not so great choices too.  Balance is key. Before you beat yourself up as always, extend some yourself some grace. Loosening the reigns of control every once in a while  arguably is a good strategy--until it's not.  Create a safe space for yourself, keeping  expectations high, but not impossible to maintain. 

2/8/22 Today's acrostic brought to you by the word focus. Forever on that hamster wheel, Over and over going round, Caught up in the trap. Unstick yourself from those spokes, Seek the road that goes somewhere. 

2/7/22 Typical of a Monday, I almost forgot to do this! I have let a few little daily habits slip a bit, and now is the time to snap it back. I've made too much progress to go backwards. A little acrostic is always an easy frame and a good way to work on the craft of word choice: My progress may be slow-- One day at a time. Negative thoughts love to creep in-- Damn them to hell! Always keep your eye on the prize-- You're winning just by showing up. 

2/6/22 The irony of a Sunday that doesn't start out sunny is not lost on me. It is currently overcast, gloomy even (by Florida standards). A front came in last night that seems to be sticking around this morning. Of course, most of us will accept gray skies if it brings cooler, dryer weather.  This got me thinking about the phrase, doom and gloom.  Lately, the general state of society has come up in numerous discussions with different friends, some in public ed, some retired, some younger and working in a variety of fields. There is something amiss that no one can seem to pinpoint, a doom and gloom that has permeated everything, tainted our general national optimism.  It doesn't need to be this way. We don't need to let the narratives on the news and of manipulative "leaders" meddle with our personal perspectives. The sun will come out--we just need to clear the clouds from our view. 

2/5/22 So many times I remember to attend to my body, my brain, Only to forget about my spiritual self, Until the universe smacks me upside the head, Letting me know I need to shift gears, Find a different route, Understand things in a new way, Light my path with a different source. 

 2/4/22 FriYay! I'm so happy you're here. After a few bad weekends feeling sick, I am looking forward to a wedding, a dinner with neighbors, outdoor walks, and getting stuff done around the house.  It's worth mentioning how grateful I'm feeling for my life at the moment--job I enjoy, co-workers I love, friends who keep me sane, beautiful home, wanting for nothing. It's not perfect, but it's pretty damn good. Way more than I ever imagined. Not too blessed to be stressed, but blessed enough to handle the stresses life tosses my way.  So, I'm embracing this first Friday of February and all the blessings it will bring. 

2/3/22 Now that I've proven once again to myself that I can make choices that are best for me , I need to keep that going. I allowed myself a slip up night--formerly known as Wine Wednesday in our house. I always planned to re-introduce wine but want to keep it more to the weekends. It really wasn't the wine--it was the chips and midnight pasta that I regret. I know I really need to be grain-free to feel my best, knowing I'll get stuck in situations where I will eat small amounts. But, last night wasn't one of those. I had the power to choose, and I chose something that left me feeling yucky. Chalk it up to lesson learned on this road to progress, not perfection. 

2/2/22  There's a local commercial for an estate planner with all 2's for the phone number. It always cracks me up when she calls it out. I guess today's date made me think of that--otherwise it's totally irrelevant, a random early morning musing. It feels like that's about all I have this morning. After a couple of days of feeling ill and mentally agitated, I am so relieved to be coming out of it, I don't have a lot on my mind.  Work is busy, but manageable. Plus working remotely helps me not take on the stress of others. I never realized how much of a difference that physical barrier can make for someone like me who soaks in the energy of those around her.  My personal life is good. Everyone I love doing their thing on their time without needing me, so I don't have any extras weighing on me on that front.  So, on this days of quadruple two's, I will just take a deep breath and count my blessings, one by one. 

 2/1/22 Today,  I should be celebrating:      the end of Whole 30      a month of reaching goals around my atomic habits      a size smaller jeans      a bra band size down      writing daily Instead, I am wallowing:      after a night of writhing in pain      intestinal issues that derailed my workout      and my sleep      wanting to eat so badly       but the little ping in my side saying "no" Looking forward to better days where things aren't working against me. I know they are just around the bend. I just have to keep showing up, taking my small steps to reach the curve. 

1/31/22 The last day of the month has me thinking about that calendar roll-over thing again (like New Year's). We tend to wait for a new week, new month, new year to commit to changes, commit to ourselves.  I am going to work hard this year to break that mindset by purposely choosing "off" days to begin new things. It doesn't have to be a Monday or the first. A new habit can be kicked off whenever the spirit moves me.  With that, I had a little glitch in the system once again (seems to be the theme for 2022), testing my resilience. The Covid booster knocked me out with a full-fledged fever, chills, aches, the works. When I came out of the fever fog, I wanted soup so badly, and all I had made was white chicken chili and lentil--both not Whole 30 compliant. I seriously contemplated picking the beans out of the chili at one point. But, I got creative and made some green pea soup that hit the spot. I also wanted something salty and was eye-balling the chips we got at the ...

1/30/22 The end is near.  The end of Whole 30 that is.  This is my second time doing it, and I carried the lessons I learned the first time with me for a while.  Then, I let old habits creep back--the operative phrase being "I let."  I allowed stress to undermine my resolve, using time as an excuse to not shop for and prep meals. Then, there were also my experiments with veganism and vegetarianism. I actually enjoy eating that way, but it's really tough without eating grains. I've come to the conclusion that grains are not great for me for a few reasons: inflammation, over-dependence, and over-eating.  I am walking away this time with some new goals to support an eating plan that is good for my body: make non-starchy vegetables and seafood my mainstays add in starchy veggies in moderation add in fruit in moderation keep added sugar to a bare minimum enjoy wine, but avoid using it as a crutch beer has got to go, but I'm open to enjoying small amounts of IPA's w...

 1/29/22 Giving light and warmth is the work of good humans ~  Rumi This sums up perfectly the person I strive to be ~ to be the person whose smile makes someone feel warm inside, lights up the moment, the person who hones in on the struggles of others and offers help, the person who not only looks for the good  but also shines a light upon it,  the person who leaves the room warmer and brighter than it was when I entered. 

1/28/22 As the first month of the year nears its end, I can look back and celebrate small accomplishments that will turn into bigger and better things: I use the stairs daily I do an am routine for functional fitness I'm less than a week away from closing out an extended (33 day) Whole 30 I've written daily I'm reading more often I'm hitting bootcamp 4-5 times per week I'm making more time for friends Not bad for someone who doesn't make New Year's resolutions. 

1/27/22 After 2 nights of interrupted sleep, I am just tired to the bone.  I'm showing up, but just barely. My soul is scattered, as is my attention.  My body feels bent, not quite broken. Working toward that unity in soul that Rumi touts is the goal.

1/26/22 To keep myself accountable to my new two-minute habit of writing daily, I decided to post whatever comes out here. I have a habit of giving up too easily, especially on ritualistic or things that require my daily attention.  That changes with 2022. I vowed to make micro changes, atomic habits that will snowball into bigger, better things. And, I'm actually doing it. Not perfectly, but now's not the time to aim for perfection. Just showing up matters--an attitude I wish I had throughout my life. Perfectionism is too exhausting and futile. It's not getting my energy any more.  To live without too much pressure as I adopt and improve upon my two-minute habits is the goal for 2022. 

1/25/22 Looking for things to be grateful for can be difficult at times, but that is only because my vision is blurred by daily inconveniences and aggravations.  Bad traffic I have a new vehicle and the freedom to move about without worry   Aches and pains I have the strength to be physically active and can complete all my daily tasks Chores (especially laundry) I have a beautiful home and an extensive wardrobe to chose from Boredom such a first world problem to have that much free time to be bored Interrupted sleep I have a warm, soft bed in which to toss and turn Gray hair I have a full head of hair and can afford to maintain it Wrinkles and sags these things don't really matter, really a gift a long life

1/24/22 In a world where everyone wants their 15 minutes of fame-- 2,000 views in an hour,  going viral-- be the one who doesn't seek that fame, instead following the wisdom of Rumi: wash your face from fears; then show your face.

1/23/22 In a little less than 2 weeks, I'll be wrapping up my second Whole 30 stint.  30 days of no alcohol, no grains, no dairy, no soy, no corn, no anything crappy. It's weird, when I'm ready to do it, it never feels like a struggle. I got a little cranky the first time, but other than a 3-day headache, this time has been an emotional breeze. Proof positive that this is a good way for me to exist. Here are some things I want to take with me on my food freedom journey: I don't need wine Wednesdays to survive my week. I don't have to drink when I go out, but can in moderation if I want. Grains seem to disagree with my system, so they will be occasional only--the times I really want something or am in a situation (like a neighbor's dinner party) where I can't avoid them. The key here is quality and quantity. Have only the good stuff and limit the portion. I love veggies and fish, so I need to make these my main squeezes! I don't need cheese on top (except...

1/22/22 In the year of the 2's, I have made some decisions, casted some votes for the person I want to be: Commit to well-being--mental, physical, spiritual Take 2--little physical and brain breaks throughout the day go a long way  Take time to stay in touch with friends--texts, calls, get-togethers, trips Don't take myself too seriously--a hard habit to break Don't be afraid to experience pain--both physical and emotion--both serve necessary functions Continue to write daily--even when inspiration isn't quite there Focus on 2 lbs. at a time to reach a healthier weight goal Engage in focused breathing for 2 minutes

1/21/22 Just to remind myself, here are my 2-minute habit goals that are the building blocks of bigger and better things to come:  Write daily for at least 2 minutes.  Use the stairs instead of the elevator (eventually I'll do the 2 flights without feeling breathy). Get up and move for 2 minutes throughout the day (reminders set for 10:15, 12:15, and 2:15). Floor exercises for at least 2 minutes independent of a workout.  Read.  Reflect on daily Zen calendar before work.  I've already nailed a few of things 3 weeks into the new year. Now, to keep it going. 

1/20/22 Habitual For whatever reason, this word has always had negative connotations for me, much like consequence . Now, I'm reframing.  I'm seeing it more in the context of my word of the year-- resilience. I'm continually growing, stretching, challenging old ways and thoughts. I'm persistent  in my pursuit of physical health and mental well-being.  I will sustain  my new habits while building on them to reach my goals. 

1/19/22 My lab results came through on the patient portal, so of course I had to look.  Normal, normal, normal, normal, normal, normal... Wait. Red blood cells low; other things high.  Within moments I have myself diagnosed with several diseases.  Yes, I have aches and pains, my hair is falling out, my period is irregular  (never mind these are all typical for a woman my age). Thanks, internet! I don't know why I do this...I am not a doctor.  Yes, I'm feeling a little beat up with some creaks and cricks and stiffness.  But, I also work out pretty intensely 4-5 days a week and move the other 1-2.  I am not the picture of a sick person, but I suppose something can be lurking.  Still, there is no reason to panic, to catastrophize as I love to do. I see the doctor on Friday. I'm sure she will fill me in.  This need to know now is something I really need to work on. 

 1/18/22  Patience is a virtue, one I have at times, but sorely lack at others. It's easy to want it all and want it now, especially in an instant society where information is yours in a click with the right search criteria. Most things in life don't work this way, the search is long, solutions elusive. You can't click thorough the journey. The scavenger hunt must be done on foot. 

 1/17/22 I saw a meme yesterday about 2022 feeling like a "used new year." It's so easy to feel that way because, quite frankly, it has already sucked. Still dealing with with Covid outbreaks, people still dying, things still going wrong. I've thought on my than one occasion that 2022 can just bite me.  In reality, we put too much on the turnover of a year. I wrote a piece years ago about there being nothing magic about one number at the end of 4 numbers changing. A year is just a measurement made by man. The truth is, we might feel like it's a good time to turn over a new leaf, but the universe doesn't zap all the negatives just because we are ready for a fresh start.  Every day is a chance for a new attitude for sure. Just don't expect the world to always cooperate. Maybe that's the lesson, the challenge: keeping that new attitude in spite of it all.

 1/16/22 Stormy weather looms--  wind and rain and threats of tornados, Mother Nature in a foul mood. But with it the promise of ideal weather-- a cool breeze, crisp air, blue skies. It's alway calmest before the storm and always most beautiful after it. 

 1/15/22 Two minutes at a time, I'm voting for the person I want to be with every positive action, every new habit-- Taking stairs instead of the elevator Writing daily Choosing food that makes my body feel good Taking in some sunshine Standing from my chair Stretching Walking more Moving more Giving it my all at the gym. Two minutes at a time,  I'm casting a vote for being all the things I want to be, looking forward to seeing where the journey will take me.

 1/114/22 Holding many in the light-- You know who you are: The one who lost a loved one The one who lost a friend The one nursing an injured child The one dealing with crippling anxiety The one whose pain never ceases The one battling life-threatening illness The one recovering from surgery-- Holding you in love and light. 

 1/13/22 Feeling kind of cheeky this morning, but in all seriousness, I love coffee.  Two minutes from the time I press the button to the last drop hitting my mug, Two minutes I stand there, staring at the brown elixir flowing,      a frothy foam forming and expanding.  Two minutes I breathe in the addictive aroma wafting through the air,      until I'm adding an extra punch with cinnamon.   Two minutes until I take that first sacred sip,       feeling the warmth spreading through my chest,      the energy already building. Two minutes until I feel I'm coming to life,      the grogginess begins to fade. I'm ready for the day. 

 1/12/22 Today is one of those days when sitting down to write for 2 minutes is 2 minutes too many. It was a struggle to get out of bed this am for no particular reason at all. Some times I'm just a kind of tired I can't explain.  Today is one of those days. Yet, here I am, writing anyway because I made a promise to myself to just show up. I have a feeling today won't be the only day like this, but I can hope they are few and far between.  Today is one of those days I vote for the kind of person I am, a person who honors commitments, even when she doesn't feel like it. I'm also casting that mental vote that I am a writer, even when the writing isn't terrific.  Today is just one day. Other better days will come. 

 1/11/22 You know that text or call you get that reminds you that life can change in the blink of an eye?  Those are wake up calls of the worst kind. Life is so fragile, so uncertain. Some act as though safety is a right, but in reality, there is no person or policy or place that can ensure it.  Life is so precious, so valuable.  Cherish every single second. Savor every peaceful moment, every cool breeze on your face, every ray of sunshine that warms you. Wake up. 

1/10/22 I used to do short timed writing with my students. Everyone had to keep writing until the timer went off. Some days, it resulted in profound work, sometimes it was just a brain dump to get them ready for the day's topic. I decided if it worked for them, it would work for me.  Today, I'm upping the ante from 2 to 5 minutes. As I think about Monday, the first day of the work week, I think about new opportunities, challenges--and yes, tasks. I had my stint with not working (not my first btw), and I was ready to return. Luckily, I returned to a supportive environment with a balanced and reasonable work culture, a place where a team sticks together and can be honest with each other.  No politics (at least none I need to involve myself in), no constantly changing directives and moving targets.  I appreciate the consistency and the connectivity of my work.  It works for me.

1/9/22 Finally feeling better Sleeping in Waking to a beautiful, breezy, cool morning That first cup of coffee The smell of the cinnamon sprinkled on top tickling my nose Listening to the birds chirp and call Sunlight filtered through palm fronds Fushia flowers popping from the Crape Myrtle (funny---I always thought it was spelled Crepe) The sound of the pond water features Just being here in the moment, committed to self-care, committed to change.   

 1/8/22 Feeling annoyed, frustrated, and generally down-in-the dumps. This stupid non-covid stomach ickiness is ruining what promised to be a fun and relaxing weekend of workouts, a massage, time with a friend, etc.  Instead, I'm on the couch for the 3rd day in a row with sharp side pain after a fitful night.  Waaaahhh! I feel like a big baby, but I am going to allow it, acknowledge that this does kinda suck.  On the flip side, I am also going to remind myself it's temporary, that next week I'll be back to my good ol' self if I give myself the time and space to heal completely. It may feel like slacking, but when you barely have the energy to empty your dishwasher, your body is sending strong signals to stop.  One day, I might look back on this whine-and-moan session and regret making it public, but it's part of my commitment to record what's on my mind each day, watch the growth over the course of sitting down to write for at least 2 minutes each day.  Som...

 1/7/22 Sidelined by a stomach bug yesterday, but I will remember my word for 2022: resilience . Started a book, Built from Broken , because I'm feeling a little disgruntled with "hopping" aches and pains and injuries--I get one thing "fixed" only to have something else act up. It feels a lot like herding ADHD cats.  A quote that struck me is: Instead of asking, "Why me?" ask "What is the next logical step forward?"  If that doesn't sum up resilience, I don't know what does. A little serendipity on this fine Friday morning.  I'll take my next steps to get back to 100% without overdoing it. I will be logical and reasonable and also allow myself the necessary grace.   

 1/5/22 Life can change in a minute's time, so savor every last moment. Soak up all the sunshine you can, breathe in cool, crisp air, delight in the sounds of laughter, the smiles of those we love, strong extended embraces. Life can change in a minute's time. 

1/4/22 Just showing up today,  not feeling I have much to say. But promises made to myself  are as important as those made to others. Rituals are typically not my jam, but a new year is a perfect time to change that. Two minutes is not too much time  to devote to my creative self.  The time commitment part of the journey on the road to a better me. 

 January 3, 2022 What can happen in 2 minutes? I set a timer to find out. Reflections on days past are worth the time. Worrying about days ahead are not.  Mostly being present in the here and now--the next 2 minutes--is key. One step at a time, 2 minutes at a time, small habits yield big results--eventually. The goal is to not give in to doubt, to old habits. The intent is to not give up, but instead find a way to make it all stick. The forced becomes automatic, a way of being, defining the type of person I am.

1/2/22 Two minutes--sounds easy enough, so why are words not flowing?  Just show up.  Just keep writing. You can't build on or improve on a habit you don't have. I could just do this in a journal, but then it doesn't seem as official, and I know I will let it slide.  Even if no one sees this, the commitment to myself matters.  Today is the New Moon, a time to set intentions. This is one intention: write daily. Two minutes--easy enough. 

Today,  I am embarking on James Clear's Atomic Habit  principle of the 2-minute habit. I have it on lockdown for my physical well-being, and now I need to attend to my creative self.  Each day, I will write for 2 minutes--however many lines that produces--and see how this little move adds up over the year.  1/1/2022 A number turning over doesn't equate to anything if I don't take advantage of the fresh start. What is a new year? It really can be any day-week-month, but we measure it on 1/1. I have already made great strides by making changes and then letting them solidify before pushing on to my next goal, but I've felt stuck and am going back to comfortable (and not-so-great) ways, even though I know where they lead.  On this day, I will start taking advantage of each new day as a fresh start, a chance to sparkle.